Guten Tag! :)

I hate the feeling that you know the decision is out but u do not know the decision and have to wait. It drives me mad that I cant concentrate and do the things I want to do.

At least, like me, I want to be always prepared for situation no matter whether that would happen or not. Since, if it really happens, then it is my first time going through this kind of crisis. By the way, I thank those who called or reply me and asked me to be strong.

Things I would do if it happens:
1) Try to smile and ask to be friends. Possible? Can we still be friends be valid? I don’t know.
2) Pack up the room and return him things that he had given to me, so as to forget things that remind me of him.
3) Write down a list of his flaws and why I hate him, so as to make him seem as like, it shld be happiness after breaking free from him.
4) Go for retail therapy, go K-box.
Main objectives: Forget him, forget he exists, forget u are with him.

And maybe go running, running away from reality and keep urselves occupied at all times!

Just hope that I can handle well IF it really happens. Smile XJ!

        When you wish for sth alot, u have to sacrifice sth in order to achieve that goal. sometimes the ting u sacrifice may mean alot to u.

my relationship is yet in rocks again, on the verge of breaking up. Just waiting for green light from him. Although he said that he doesnt noe, but I noe that deep down, despite that both of us do not want to break up, since it is our first love, but I know that too many differences, conflicts would drawn us apart.

I have a fine day in the aftnoon, in the lab, although tedious, but I am glad that I obtained a pretty decent results. And he then called me to say that he would wait for me at Tampines. And he did. After that, he asked me to walk home from tampinesMRT station at 8p.m and I didnt have lunch. So, of course, I wasnt happy over it, I was so tired and hungry, but yet he asked me to walk.
This isnt the first time we having this kind of fights. We have alot. He is upset that I cared too much about everyone around me, care too much about studies, care too much of looks, do not exercise, do not sleep early etc etc. The list is so long that I find that he dislike me in everything. And he told me before " We are past the honeymoon stage, unlike everyone else". It is true but I wish that I still have the happy lovely feeling of knowing about his life and at the same time, obtain what I have to do in my own life. I guess, it can never be balanced since I am struggling hard balancing my own life.

I know people says that I am a huge complainer, but I am really trying very hard to take life slowly. But, it is hard when everyting just drives u another way, that it is hard to smile and say "I am fine, thank you." No, it is a lie to say that.

And I cried today. But I know, tears means nth. I’ll strong and stand up to myself.
Be strong XJ. Everything will be fine.

I am so pissed off! Feel like kicking against the wall and throwing things. Never feel so frustrated in my life. Next week I am having a bloodly test that is bloodly 40% and I am having troubles trying to study! This module sucks to the core. Make me damn angry while studying and the progress is so slow! And to add on this bloodly frustration, my bloodly bf is making me so so so pissed! He kept asking me to go out with him, and when I rejected, he sounded pissed! This had been going on for quite some time and I am trying to cool myself down. But this semester, I really need to do well badly! I know that he is leaving Singapore soon and I have only this semester to be with him, before god knows when he would come back! I am really getting lost and angry that I cried. I really don’t know what to do. April is coming and this would be the most horrible mth. Too horrible that I really dread it from coming soon. Cause exams, projects, tests and he is also leaving Singapore.

DAMN! DAMN! DAMN!

PS: Why doesnt he EVER understand why I have to devote my time to studying? This is driving me crazy. I cant help it. I want to cry.

I have never felt so angry and upset in my whole life after hearing the news. These news disturbed me so much after hearing from my mom. We cried.

My male cousin is going on divorce with his wife at age 35. And the wife was the sweetest woman on earth. They had 2 cute children. And now they are going on divorce because my cousin had an affair with a bitch! Yes! A BITCH FROM A*STAR AGENCY WHICH HE WORKS IN! AND IF YOU BITCH IS READING MY BLOG, I AM TELLING YOU THAT YOU LEAVE MY COUSIN ALONE.

I cant believe that this woman, who was one of the top in corporate board I think in A*star agency, she forced to divorce her husband which I heard that he refused to, and she forced my cousin to divorce her wife, FORCE and THREAT with my cousin that she would commit suicide if he does not divorce his wife. And he DID! HE WALKED OUT OF THE HOUSE DEPSITE HIS DEAR SON CRIED AND CLING ON TO HIS LEG AND SAY " DADDY, DON’T GO!".

And the saddest thing was that my cousin was not like that in the past. Really not. It makes me cry when I heard this news. He left her with the 2 children and she had no job.

So, gals, please please please don’t be just a hosuewife when you are married kk? We must work in order to let those bloodly guys look up to us. Don’t dont stop working please people.

PS: I will make sure that I would look for the BITCH when I entered A* Star. And, apparently since A*star is always looking for those top-notch people, this proves that they have brains but no compassion. Once again, B–I-T-C-H!