Guten Tag! :)

My grandfather left us today. It was very saddening.

Initially, there was a call to say that he was in critical condition and the doctors were doing blood transfusion for him. Then 5 minutes later, another call came to say that he had left us. Then, everything was so "blurry." My mother cried.I cried too. Although I knew that he was going to leave us soon, but I cannot take it that he had left us.

I felt so lost in school, couldnt really concentrate in classes. Then after school, I left to the funeral.
Saw him in the casket. I wanted to cry, but don’t dare to.He looked so different. Like I don’t know him anymore. Saw the ang-bao he gave me when I got into university when he wished me all the best for my studies. Recalled that day when I talked to him before my visit to HSA. Suddenly, it came upon me that he was gone.

I think that the most hurting thing in life is to really to lose someone you loved.

Ah gong, hao hao shang lu. Wish that you have happiness in your another life.We love you.

-23/10/2007

Havent been blogging for a long long time, but feel that I should blog now since I am feeling up and down. This week is another up-and-down week for me. Eventful definitely.

Yesterday was one of my best days in my life. We went to celebrate my father’s birthday. Initially we planned to go to Tung Lok Signatures, but last minute we cancelled it cause’ of my grandfather. In the end, last minute, I searched through all the websites and find another restaurant to celebrate his birthday. The restaurant is at "The Legends" at Fort Canning Park there. It was a seafood buffet. We came damn late, like 8 plus and the buffet ended at 930. The service was very good, we were treated to complimentary Lime Juice and they especially prepared a slice of birthday cake for him, with a lighted candle. They were so nice to us and the food was very good, especially the chocolate fondue. It gave me a cosy environment and my dad was very happy. It makes me happy too.

Today is one of my worst day I considered. I went to the hospital to see my grandfather. Seems like he is in an even worst state when I last talked to him on Monday. There were a lot of tubes around him and he looked so fragile. I felt like crying but I controlled myself. We all knew that his time is up soon, maybe by tonight. I really don’t know. He couldnt recognise many people, but I am glad that he recognise me. He kept counting and asking why we signed the papers to operate him, when we didnt. And he kept saying that there were alot of people pulling him and forcing him to operation room and cutting him into 2 when there wasnt. It scared me a lot. We all try to convince him that there wasn’t any one.

I really wonder why is it that dying people will hallucinate. Is it because that during those last few moments, the brain neurons went crazy and started to anyhow fired.

Now, any phone call scares us alot because it may mean that he has left us.

Life is really cruel sometimes, making us go through such painful moments, one day our loved ones are present and the other days, they disappeared from the earth.

Meanwhile, I am dying in the amount of work. Overloaded man. So many things to do!