Optimistic in life.
I am saying this because I am not. I wish that I can be but no matter how hard I try to, I never feel optimistic at all. It’s the thought of feeling that I cannot reach the stage I want no matter how hard I try. It’s like, somethings in life are just so unfair. I know that I should be grateful with what I am given, I am. But, there is always this part of me that wishes that I can be abit higher than average. But no, I am always at the average mark.
I started pondering to myself, why do I have to go through a hell lot in order to see the sunrise? Is it true that intelligence do play a crucial part in life? Is it possible that no matter how hard you try, you would not get what you desired? Why are somepeople born luckier? They are beautiful and intelligent.
I think, after going through so many years of my life, I feel kind of tired. Tired of challenging whoever is up above. I never reached my expectations in life and never understand why I cant. Is life really govern fate, that it is almost impossible to challenge it? I don’t know.
What are mistakes in life? How do you identify "mistakes" ? Anyway, after reading LC’s blog also, honestly to say, I am starting to wonder have am made the correct choice in choosing to be a teacher. Do I really want to be a teacher? After all, I took up the miserable scholarship because I do not want to strain my parents and I want my brothers to do well for their As. But, do I really like? Do I really like what I am studying about? No. I think not. I don’t even know what I really like in my life! I have totally no ambition in life. Sadly speaking, my whole life of decisions have been made by my mom, because I hate making decisions. When I was primary school, higher chinese, secondary school, triple science blah blah blah.
I always learn to love the things I do, and I can do that. such as loving physics. But, there is nothing I really love at the start!
I feel for myself, for making such a hasty decision which is making me struggling day and night. I am studying things I have no interest in. Yet, I study because I have to study, and not I want to study.
